Dead Ugly Cars
January 11th 2008 21:52
Dead Ugly Cars
Now for a change of pace and a look in the inverted sense of what is beautiful in the world.
Pride of the social ladder is the motor car. It is even more fundamental to a persons identity than their home and clothes. The car you own and choose says so much about your financial status, taste and lifestyle. It is a celebration of what you are and how your self image is maintained.
So what does a dead ugly car say about the owner and the more importantly the designer. Shall we explore.
The suspension was revolutionary and the headlights that turn with the steering just magic. Yet what was meant to look sleek and moder turned out to be as attractive as kettle. Those crazy French designers looking at the world as if they are Monet on acid.
If the French can do ugly then the British can do it better. The pride of the small 2 door cars from England was this blight to the eyes. It just screamed anti-cool from every angle. Speaking of angles check out the back window:
When the rest of the world was thinking that you should tilt the window one way Ford breaks ranks and goes the other way. The Ford Anglia: Even the name is ugly.
Actually I can understand how this blight to eyes came to be. The marketing department provided the research to the designer that Americans want more of everything and like that extra twenty teaspoons of sugar they got it. In terms of visual sweetness this requires insulin shots. The sales figure reflect the true taste of the American public.
What do you call a bathtub with headlights? The Pagoma.
I can just image the conversation over at the designers think tank. "I bet I can design a car that will make the owners cry." Remember the old Flymow electric lawnmowers that float on cushion of air. This car float on a cushion of humiliation.
Well it fitted the parameters of a small car for the 1970's. So what went wrong? Chunky windows and bug eyed head lights. However if you are a fan of Wanes World then you may just start singing Bohemian Rhapsody. Bang head now.
What do cashed up inbreds do when they find oil on their property. They offend the eyes with things like this.
At the beginning of the 90's there was a movement toward the natural things in life. Forests, trees, whales and Newage music. Car design reflected this trend as the manufacturers took a file and dulled all the sharp corners on the new models. Now how far can we take that concept, hmmm? Who needs airbags when you are driving a balloon?
I never did get used to seeing this car. It is like one of those puzzle you stare at for hours trying to make sense of it but never makes sense. Finally I concluded that they must have run out of money to build an army tank for the executive asshole and gave them this.
Why is it that if you want to take that extra step toward the ugly you need only remove one wheel from the design? Somewhere in this world there is a janitor missing a floor polisher. It looks like a reject from Starwars and just as inane. Whilst you're about it why not just add the sign that says "Kill me now"? Even my mother would beat me up if I drove this.
The doctor told me to take one of these before each meal. When Neo was asked if he wanted the Green Pill of the Red Pill there was a third pill but it had to be inserted via the rectum. The upside is that the owner will probably die in the vacuum of space before they drive it. If cars have faces this one has blocked sinuses.
I figure that Monty Burns will one day need a new motor mobile contraption. So let's start showing him the design now. Putt,putt,putt...honk,honk! Yes, I see that this will be a real chick magnet. Don't turn corner too fast. You may fall out.
"Hey boss I have the great idea to promote our business..." Famous last words of every bad concept. Perhaps even Sexpo would reject this frightening monster. Just try to imagine driving down the highway at night and suddenly you spot this in the mirror.
And the prise goes to the Pooper Scooper Mobile. It comes with a priest to perform regular exorcisms on this beast of the apocalypse. Tear out me eyes before I see too much.
And in case you thought it was a mistake. Here it is again. In colour.
Well thank for enduring this and I will appreciate if anyone else can find an uglier car than any of these shown above.
Now for a change of pace and a look in the inverted sense of what is beautiful in the world.
Pride of the social ladder is the motor car. It is even more fundamental to a persons identity than their home and clothes. The car you own and choose says so much about your financial status, taste and lifestyle. It is a celebration of what you are and how your self image is maintained.
So what does a dead ugly car say about the owner and the more importantly the designer. Shall we explore.
Citron
The suspension was revolutionary and the headlights that turn with the steering just magic. Yet what was meant to look sleek and moder turned out to be as attractive as kettle. Those crazy French designers looking at the world as if they are Monet on acid.
The Ford Anglia
If the French can do ugly then the British can do it better. The pride of the small 2 door cars from England was this blight to the eyes. It just screamed anti-cool from every angle. Speaking of angles check out the back window:
Side view of Anglia
When the rest of the world was thinking that you should tilt the window one way Ford breaks ranks and goes the other way. The Ford Anglia: Even the name is ugly.
The Ford Edsel
Actually I can understand how this blight to eyes came to be. The marketing department provided the research to the designer that Americans want more of everything and like that extra twenty teaspoons of sugar they got it. In terms of visual sweetness this requires insulin shots. The sales figure reflect the true taste of the American public.
THe Edsel: Only the Pinto has done more damage to the Ford company.
The Pagoma
What do you call a bathtub with headlights? The Pagoma.
Call it anything. When you look like this it does not matter anymore.
I can just image the conversation over at the designers think tank. "I bet I can design a car that will make the owners cry." Remember the old Flymow electric lawnmowers that float on cushion of air. This car float on a cushion of humiliation.
Isn't this the Jimmy Carter Mobile?
Well it fitted the parameters of a small car for the 1970's. So what went wrong? Chunky windows and bug eyed head lights. However if you are a fan of Wanes World then you may just start singing Bohemian Rhapsody. Bang head now.
Yes this is customized, how can you tell?
What do cashed up inbreds do when they find oil on their property. They offend the eyes with things like this.
I am going to call this the Bloat.
At the beginning of the 90's there was a movement toward the natural things in life. Forests, trees, whales and Newage music. Car design reflected this trend as the manufacturers took a file and dulled all the sharp corners on the new models. Now how far can we take that concept, hmmm? Who needs airbags when you are driving a balloon?
Seville
I never did get used to seeing this car. It is like one of those puzzle you stare at for hours trying to make sense of it but never makes sense. Finally I concluded that they must have run out of money to build an army tank for the executive asshole and gave them this.
Is this car in production yet?
Why is it that if you want to take that extra step toward the ugly you need only remove one wheel from the design? Somewhere in this world there is a janitor missing a floor polisher. It looks like a reject from Starwars and just as inane. Whilst you're about it why not just add the sign that says "Kill me now"? Even my mother would beat me up if I drove this.
Hondo Puyo or is it puke'o?
The doctor told me to take one of these before each meal. When Neo was asked if he wanted the Green Pill of the Red Pill there was a third pill but it had to be inserted via the rectum. The upside is that the owner will probably die in the vacuum of space before they drive it. If cars have faces this one has blocked sinuses.
I have seen the future
I figure that Monty Burns will one day need a new motor mobile contraption. So let's start showing him the design now. Putt,putt,putt...honk,honk! Yes, I see that this will be a real chick magnet. Don't turn corner too fast. You may fall out.
Need a hand?
"Hey boss I have the great idea to promote our business..." Famous last words of every bad concept. Perhaps even Sexpo would reject this frightening monster. Just try to imagine driving down the highway at night and suddenly you spot this in the mirror.
And we have a winner
And the prise goes to the Pooper Scooper Mobile. It comes with a priest to perform regular exorcisms on this beast of the apocalypse. Tear out me eyes before I see too much.
No competition on this one
And in case you thought it was a mistake. Here it is again. In colour.
Well thank for enduring this and I will appreciate if anyone else can find an uglier car than any of these shown above.
| 134 |
| Vote |
Add To: 
Subscribe to this blog
Comment by Simon Ellis-Jones
Thanks for picking up my typo as well! Appreciate it.
Comment by Miswanderlust
Killer Beats
Ramble On
Hipnotherapy
Great post!
Mis
Comment by Mr Nice Guy
Pop Culturist
I'm lost for words . . . great post mate.
Nice job.
MNG
Comment by Damo
For the Sake of Argument
My Apologetics
Thanks for your comments.
I have been out most of the day so I am slow to respond today.
I have seen a few Pagomas around but not many.
I think you friends would notice if you owned the Aurora.
Miss
Thanks for your comments.
I hope you enjoyed them.
MNG
Thanks for your comments.
I still can't look at the Hand with a straight face.
enjoy
Comment by tlcorbin
Coffee Quip
A Global Citizen
Paranormal Paranormal
Is Why
Alaska Chronicle
Comment by Damo
For the Sake of Argument
My Apologetics
I am glad you enjoyed them.
Yes the Rambler is ugly but not ugly enough for this list.
I also left off the Hummer.
Comment by James Rickard
unlucky_ fishermen.com
Angling Fish
Comment by Anonymous
Seriously you are 100% right I always say it is like pets the owners look like their cars also and do the ablutions the same way!
jazzman
Comment by Wynona Lavota
Generation Y Life
Comment by Damo
For the Sake of Argument
My Apologetics
Thanks for your comments.
75 years for some and 1000 years for others?
Jazzman
Citreon is a classic car.
Ugly is subjective.
I do not blame the owners but the designers for have enforced an nightmare on us all.
Comment by Damo
For the Sake of Argument
My Apologetics
Thanks for your comments
I chose the order of presentation from what I saw as the least ugly to most ugly.
Ford America found the Edsel to be a nightmare for sales.
Yet the Ford Anglia sold millions.
Comment by Anonymous
jazzman
Comment by Damo
For the Sake of Argument
My Apologetics
I have driven a the 80's model a few times.
It was a Spooky car to drive.
Sideways speedometer. Balloon for a foot break
and that amazing suspension.
Comment by Wayne F
Bucket Movies
The balloon Bloat car thing looks like it got stung by a bunch of bees. There are some horror and ugly cars out there and I will shudder if I see any of these on the road. Shudder, and most likely attempt to run them off the road.
Comment by Damo
For the Sake of Argument
My Apologetics
Thanks for your comment.
Sorry about the belated reply.
The hand mobile still cracks me up.