The Second Annual Orble Dummy Spit Awards
October 21st 2008 20:41
The Second Annual Orble Dummy Spit Awards
Last year’s award ceremony was a screaming success as candidates from far and wide endeavoured to outdo each other in the stakes as the greatest dummy spitter for the year. Needless to say that year was dominated by new levels of vitriol and contrived indignation that were truly spectacular. It was tough competition as bigger and more verbose dummy spits filled the virtual air.
Looking back on the year that built up to last award it would fair to say that the bigoted dummy spits certainly did put up an excellent display. Yet it was jingoists that stole the show. ‘The Grand Prize of the Perpetual Dummy Spitter’ and the ‘My Country is Better than Your Country’ Dummy Spit was won by the same person. As an encore the same performer returned as Anonymous to show his appreciation and love to many of us.
This year the field has shift from the extreme right to the extreme left yet let us not forget that it does take real skill to look at the world through one. New and exciting opportunities have been opened in the dummy spitting industry where with minimum mental exertion and maximum emotion anyone can spit the dummy. We and sloppy as it may be the Dummy Spit is now a real crazy that any crazy can play.
Sadly this year we have to announce that the ‘Fanatical Fundy Gun Day’ is cancelled along with any references before 2000 BC. The ‘Torture is okay if we do it award’ is being retired due lack of interest. How you will be pleasantly surprised by the new award that our sponsors have agreed to.
This year the categories are:
The copy and pasted Email Dummy Spit:
This award will go to the person who has most consistently copy and pasted shocking emails without the slightest effort to check their validity. The judges are going to be very hard on this one as it seems that people are trying harder to be upset this year.
The Half Cocked Dummy Spit
If your story is sensational and so badly researched that it reeks then this dummy spit is yours for the taking. An outstanding effort will require a blind belief that you cannot possibly be wrong because it proves what you have been say all along. Having lost credibility you must be able to reload and spit dummies in quick succession.
The Pseudo Intellectual Dummy Spit
This award will go to the person who displays the greatest confidence and incompetence in the same subject. Agenda driven first and evidence driven last this dummy will fly out with a smug satisfaction to the spitter who totally ignorant of how much of a fool they are.
The Angry Emotional Outburst Dummy Spit
A screaming chest beating impassioned cry that looks like a childish tantrum will put you in the short list. Actually any childish tantrum will get you there. I know some who have really been practicing this year.
The Stalker Award
Not an actual Dummy Spit per say but our sponsors want it included. The award will go to the person most likely to be arrested in future as a sex offender.
The Politically Correct Dummy Spit
This award is reserved for the person who most consistently bored the living crap out of everyone with significant levels of blandness.
The Outstanding Levels of Vulgarity Dummy Spit
Also known as the desperate for attention dummy spit. This award will go to the most pathetic attention seeking slut. No accounting for taste, talent or education will be considered.
The Intentionally Offensive Dummy Spit
If Urine Art is your speciality then you are a winner here. You can also win if you lie through your teeth and spit bile on others. The judges insist that the award be given to the person that knows what they are doing is amounts to mental vomit and does it any way.
The Unfunny Satire Dummy Spit
This award will go to the person who thinks they are funny but are in fact just insulting, personal, sarcastic and lame. Anyone can win this by first taking themselves too seriously and secondly thinking that humour is the product of ideology. Just try to think what would you deadly serious intellectual hero write if they did not have a rod up their own arse.
Finally
The Most Passive Aggressive Dummy Spit of the Year
Do you have a talent for appealing for sympathy like pathetic cry baby as you launch a barrage of insults? Then this award will be treasured by the winner. Remember it is all about emotional blackmail and shameless special pleading. Conviction is everything and writer must actually believe that their little tantrum is more convincing than cold hard evidence and compelling reasoning.
Nominations are open.
Remember to check the dates of the posts to ensure that did occur in the last year. I would suggest a quick search using the most commonly used objects of hate will speed up the selection process.
The fine tradition of 'Spitting the Dummy' continues.
Last year’s award ceremony was a screaming success as candidates from far and wide endeavoured to outdo each other in the stakes as the greatest dummy spitter for the year. Needless to say that year was dominated by new levels of vitriol and contrived indignation that were truly spectacular. It was tough competition as bigger and more verbose dummy spits filled the virtual air.
Looking back on the year that built up to last award it would fair to say that the bigoted dummy spits certainly did put up an excellent display. Yet it was jingoists that stole the show. ‘The Grand Prize of the Perpetual Dummy Spitter’ and the ‘My Country is Better than Your Country’ Dummy Spit was won by the same person. As an encore the same performer returned as Anonymous to show his appreciation and love to many of us.
This year the field has shift from the extreme right to the extreme left yet let us not forget that it does take real skill to look at the world through one. New and exciting opportunities have been opened in the dummy spitting industry where with minimum mental exertion and maximum emotion anyone can spit the dummy. We and sloppy as it may be the Dummy Spit is now a real crazy that any crazy can play.
Sadly this year we have to announce that the ‘Fanatical Fundy Gun Day’ is cancelled along with any references before 2000 BC. The ‘Torture is okay if we do it award’ is being retired due lack of interest. How you will be pleasantly surprised by the new award that our sponsors have agreed to.
The copy and pasted Email Dummy Spit:
This award will go to the person who has most consistently copy and pasted shocking emails without the slightest effort to check their validity. The judges are going to be very hard on this one as it seems that people are trying harder to be upset this year.
The Half Cocked Dummy Spit
If your story is sensational and so badly researched that it reeks then this dummy spit is yours for the taking. An outstanding effort will require a blind belief that you cannot possibly be wrong because it proves what you have been say all along. Having lost credibility you must be able to reload and spit dummies in quick succession.
The Pseudo Intellectual Dummy Spit
This award will go to the person who displays the greatest confidence and incompetence in the same subject. Agenda driven first and evidence driven last this dummy will fly out with a smug satisfaction to the spitter who totally ignorant of how much of a fool they are.
The Angry Emotional Outburst Dummy Spit
A screaming chest beating impassioned cry that looks like a childish tantrum will put you in the short list. Actually any childish tantrum will get you there. I know some who have really been practicing this year.
The Stalker Award
Not an actual Dummy Spit per say but our sponsors want it included. The award will go to the person most likely to be arrested in future as a sex offender.
The Politically Correct Dummy Spit
This award is reserved for the person who most consistently bored the living crap out of everyone with significant levels of blandness.
The Outstanding Levels of Vulgarity Dummy Spit
Also known as the desperate for attention dummy spit. This award will go to the most pathetic attention seeking slut. No accounting for taste, talent or education will be considered.
The Intentionally Offensive Dummy Spit
If Urine Art is your speciality then you are a winner here. You can also win if you lie through your teeth and spit bile on others. The judges insist that the award be given to the person that knows what they are doing is amounts to mental vomit and does it any way.
The Unfunny Satire Dummy Spit
This award will go to the person who thinks they are funny but are in fact just insulting, personal, sarcastic and lame. Anyone can win this by first taking themselves too seriously and secondly thinking that humour is the product of ideology. Just try to think what would you deadly serious intellectual hero write if they did not have a rod up their own arse.
Finally
The Most Passive Aggressive Dummy Spit of the Year
Do you have a talent for appealing for sympathy like pathetic cry baby as you launch a barrage of insults? Then this award will be treasured by the winner. Remember it is all about emotional blackmail and shameless special pleading. Conviction is everything and writer must actually believe that their little tantrum is more convincing than cold hard evidence and compelling reasoning.
Nominations are open.
Remember to check the dates of the posts to ensure that did occur in the last year. I would suggest a quick search using the most commonly used objects of hate will speed up the selection process.
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Comment by Lady Henrietta Muddling
Potter in a Harry
Are you allowed to nominate yourself? If so, I'd like to nominate myself for the Stalker Award.
Comment by Louie
Climate Forum
Climate Red
randomthoughts
Phil's Wellness Tips
Comment by Damo
For the Sake of Argument
My Apologetics
Thanks for your comments.
I think you decidedly under qualified for that award. To be nominated you have to be totally creepy and unhinged.
Louie
Thanks for your comments.
The prize is the satisfaction of knowing that one dummy spit can make a difference in how people look at you.
Comment by D. Armenta
The Florida Keys and Everglades
The Black Sheep Chronicles
What constitutes bad manners?
The male mystique
Debate Fan
L.A.M.P.
Comment by Damo
For the Sake of Argument
My Apologetics
Thanks for your comments.
"Raving Lunatic Dummy Spit" sound like an excellent addition. I will approach the sponsors. BTW this year it is Crapper and Sons.
Comment by Jim Stillman
Political Certainty
As to other awards, I leave them to others.
Comment by Someone
Random Musings on Life, Love and Everything
Let's Get Down To Business
I may have been angry and drunk when I wrote that.
Comment by Damo
For the Sake of Argument
My Apologetics
Thanks for your comments.
Dummy spits are active rather than passive.
They require and explosion of anger and vitriol.
Failure to hit f7 in Windows does not qualify.
Comment by Damo
For the Sake of Argument
My Apologetics
Thanks for your comments.
People cannot nominate themself.
It is collective thing.
First the dummy spit has to be deadly serious in intent and second it has to be seen as such from the audience.
Once the dummy has been spat. I cannot be unspat.
However it can be forgotten if a bigger dummy spit occurs.
Comment by JoshZ
A Simple Christian
Randy Inman of Political Certainty
Lester Caudill of Round Politics
Both should be nominated for both the Angry Emotional Dummy Spit and the Pseudo-Intellectual Dummy Spit.
Is there also just generally being an asshole dummy spit?
JZ
Comment by Damo
For the Sake of Argument
My Apologetics
Thanks for your nominations.
However if I start listing people then the dummies would fly all over the place.
However the Angry Emotional Dummy Spit has been following me around a lot lately.
The pseudo-intellectual dummy spit? What have got against Orble's current crop of budding journalists and future bestselling authors? They are indeed special people with special needs.
Comment by Jim Stillman
Political Certainty
Don Lee for
The least able utilization of the language of Churchill, Milton, Jefferson, and, even. George W. Bush award.
The Award should be permanently awarded and retired forever.
Really Long Link
Comment by Damo
For the Sake of Argument
My Apologetics
I do not take nominations on individual person.
If I did so then I would have to create a new award:
Most frequent use of another persons name when what you should be doing is sticking to the point and tackling the issues.
The most blatant USA pre-election puff piece
The most blatant USA pre-election smear
The list would be endless.